all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
