Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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