i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
