i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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