I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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