I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
