I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just forgot I was standing up.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
