we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
