I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
