STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
