im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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