Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
