that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
