I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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