neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
