He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
