I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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