Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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