if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
