ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
