how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
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Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
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Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.