they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
