i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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