yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
