I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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