you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
