Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
