yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
