Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
