Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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