Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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