The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
