So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My balls are so social today.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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