It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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