My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
