I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
