im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
