its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
