Fuck appropriateness.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
