he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
