I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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