had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize