I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
