The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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