I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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