You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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