what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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