I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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