I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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