hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
