3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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