Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
