Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
