i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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