and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You did what with his pubic hair?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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