I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize