Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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