hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
