I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
