Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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