Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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