nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
